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Most couples therapists haven't been trained for this. I have.
Pregnancy loss and infertility put a specific kind of strain on a relationship — one that most couples therapists simply aren't trained to work with. Grief that shows up differently in each partner. Resentment that neither of you wants to feel. Sex and intimacy that suddenly carry a weight they never did before. Well-meaning friends and family who don't know what to say, so you end up managing their discomfort along with your own.
This is a narrow specialty, and it's one I've spent years in — not just clinically, but academically. I've published peer-reviewed research on the lived experience of perinatal loss, including work exploring what these experiences feel like from the inside, in patients' and partners' own words. That research shapes how I work with couples: I'm not learning what miscarriage, stillbirth, TFMR, or failed IVF cycles do to a relationship as I go. I already know, and I know how differently it can land on each of you.
Therapy here isn't about "getting through it" and moving on. It's about staying connected to each other while you grieve — even when you're grieving differently, on different timelines, in different ways.
Can couples therapy help if we're grieving a miscarriage differently from each other?
Yes — this is one of the most common reasons couples come to me. It's normal for partners to grieve a pregnancy loss on different timelines, in different ways, or with different needs for talking about it versus moving forward. Therapy isn't about getting you to grieve the same way. It's about helping you stay connected to each other while you each grieve in the way that's true for you.
We're in the middle of infertility treatment — is now a good time to start couples therapy?
Often, yes. Many couples wait until after a failed cycle or a major decision point to seek support, but infertility treatment itself puts real strain on a relationship — the appointments, the waiting, the hope and disappointment on repeat. Starting therapy during treatment, not just after a loss, can help you navigate the process together instead of just surviving it.
Do you specialize specifically in pregnancy loss and infertility, or is this one of many areas you treat?
This is a specific area of specialization for me, not a general offering. I've published peer-reviewed research on the lived experience of perinatal loss, and reproductive grief is one of the primary types of work I do. Many couples come to me after realizing their previous therapist didn't have specific training in this area.